Calm Before a Storm
by suicidalunicorn97
Summary: After Haley's death, Hotch falls apart. Trying to hide a breakdown is hard when you work with the best profilers in the FBI. NO CHARACTER PAIRING. Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

Aaron Hotchner sat in his usual position on the plane, staring out the window, expression impossible to read.

They had just finished a case where teenagers died while playing a choking game in order to attain a "high" of sorts. They had aprehended the man responsible for circulating this game, and his son was taken into custody by Child Protective Services.

It was a miracle they'd been put on this case at all; everyone thought the deaths had simply been suicides. Everyone except the parents of course. Their children were perfect in their eyes: got perfect grades, participated in sports, had many friends...how could such perfect children end their lives?

Although this case had proved to be homicides, it was an exception to a rule: the perfect ones at were the highest risk for ending their own lives.

Never wanting to let their families down. Always keeping emotions from rising to the surface. Keeping others safe no matter the cost to their own personal health.

And above all, never breaking. Never showing weakness. Be who people need you to be.

Hotch stopped mid-thought. Was he thinking about these teens, or himself?

He never thought he would be considering suicide...but then again, he never thought that his job would get Haley murdered...

"You okay?" Dave Rossi sat down across from him.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" He looked up, but his eyes were distant.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing in particular."

Rossi could tell that the other agent was hiding something, but he didn't push it. The team had an unspoken agreement to not profile each other.

* * *

"Hey, is Hotch okay?" Spencer Reid, the youngest member of the team, wondered out loud. He and Rossi were standing over by the coffee pot, discreetly looking into Hotch's office.

"I don't know." Rossi admitted. "I'm sure Strauss made him talk to someone, and I know they did a grief assessment before he could come back to work."

"Yeah, but he helped write those questions. He knows exactly how to respond to them."

"I guess we just have to trust him." Rossi smiled, patting Reid on the shoulder. "He knows what he's doing."

Reid returned the smile and his worry seemed to lessen a bit.

Rossi knew the team was worried about their leader. They had every right to be. But they couldn't let it interfere with their ability to focus on the job.

* * *

That night as Hotch placed his gun and badge on his nightstand, his eyes lingered a little too long at the firearm. Questions spun through his mind. An argument with himself.

 _Would Jack better off without me? He barely knows me now, I'm always working._

 _What's on the other side? Will I see Haley?_

 _My team...my family. They would hate me._

 _But it would be for the best, wouldn't it?_

 _I can't lead a team when I'm like this. It's a danger to them._

 _I'm a hazard._

 ** _Useless._**

 ** _Worthless._**

 ** _Broken.._**.

He loosened his tie, throwing it to the side. He managed to pry his gaze away from his gun. He couldn't actually be considering this. What was he thinking?

But for the first time, there seemed to be a light at the end of this miserable tunnel; a bullet was his way out.

He couldn't do it here. Not with Jack one room over. He couldn't risk his son finding him.

Hotch put his head in his hands. God, he needed Haley right now...


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Just wanted to say thanks for the support I've received. Reading reviews really motivates me to write more. Also one thing I wanted to touch on: This story is told from both Hotch's and Rossi's points of view, but it's not a slash fic. In the other Criminal Minds story I wrote, it was just exhausting to keep trying to tell the story and include every team member's thoughts and feelings.**

 **(I might have parts of the story told from Reid or Morgan's POV, but no promises.)**

 **I feel like Hotch opens up more to Rossi because he's older, and he sees him as more of a father figure. He looks up to Rossi, they've worked together before, and Rossi has been in the profiling field for longer than any of them. So yeah, just to be clear: no character pairings in this story.**

 **Alright, sorry. Most of you probably don't read these things anyway haha. Back to the story.**

* * *

Hotch had done it: he had survived the night. Granted, he'd spent it writing his goodbyes to Jack and the team. But hey, making it this long had to count for something.

He arrived at the BAU a little earlier than usual, but wasn't surprised to see that most of the team was already there. Their social lives were basically nonexistent. He walked past them to his office. He shut the door behind him and sat at his desk. He needed to stay for at least a little while, so as not to arouse suspicion. After half an hour, he decided it had been long enough. He removed the envelopes from his bag and methodically placed them on his desk - one for each member of his team. They deserved an explanation.

The last envelope he held in his hand was for Jack. He sighed as he looked at his son's name scrawled across the front. He prayed that Jack wouldn't hate him for this. Hotch set the final letter down next to the others. It was time. He pulled out his badge and laid it on top of his last goodbyes.

He nonchalantly walked out of his office and made his way towards the door. He felt nervous, hoping that no one would stop and question him. He was careful to maintain a neutral expression, and keep his breathing even. As soon as he made it out of the building, he was able to breathe again. No one had stopped him. He got in his car and drove toward his final destination.

* * *

"Has anyone seen Hotch this morning?" Rossi noticed that his friend's office was dark, and the door was shut.

"I saw him walk out about ten minutes ago. I just assumed he had a meeting with Strauss. Why?" Prentiss asked.

Rossi tried to bury the uneasiness he felt. "No reason. I just needed to give him something. I'll see if his door's unlocked." He hoped that Prentiss was right, that Hotch was simply in a meeting or running an errand. He tried the door, and it was open. That was strange - Hotch was almost compulsive about locking things...

 _No..._

All of Rossi's worst fears were confirmed when he saw the envelopes arranged on his fellow agent's desk. One for everyone on the team. In the middle of them all was one labeled "Jack". Hotch's badge was on top of the letters, but something was missing...

Hotch's gun.

This couldn't be happening. Rossi immediately dialed Hotch's number. He all but ran down the stairs and into Garcia's office. He didn't even bother with a greeting. "Garcia, I need you to track Hotch's phone."

She looked startled. "But sir-"

"I know you can do it, you've done it before. Now!" Rossi prayed that Hotch would pick up, but after a couple rings it went straight to voice mail. "Dammit Aaron, pick up..."

"Sir, it looks like it's still in the building."

"What? That can't be right."

"Hey, any idea why the trash bin was ringing?" Morgan poked his head into Garcia's office. He held up Hotch's phone. "What's going on?"

There was no time to explain. "I'll update you when I can." Rossi went to leave, but Morgan blocked the way.

"At least let me come with you, man."

"Morgan, I'm only gonna ask you once. Move. Stay here and don't panic. I'll call when I find him."

"Find him? Is he missing?" Morgan called after him, but Rossi was already gone.

The older agent sprinted to his car and sped out of the parking lot. His head was spinning. How could he have missed this? He was profiler for God's sake!

 _Focus. Where would he go?_ Rossi forced himself to concentrate. Where would Aaron go? And then the answer hit him - the place where Hotch had lost everything. The house where all his happy memories had been tainted by evil. The house he had shared with Haley. His home.

Rossi flipped on his lights and raced to the Hotchner residence. _Please, God...don't let me be too late..._


	3. Chapter 3

"What's happening?" Reid asked, noticing that Morgan had Hotch's phone. He looked worried.

"I'm not sure, kid."

"Is Hotch okay?"

Morgan hesitated. "I hope so."

"Where did Rossi go in such a hurry? Is he with Hotch?"

"Do I look like I know? Rossi went to put something in Hotch's office, and the next thing I know he's yelling at Garcia to track Hotch's phone. Which, for some reason, ended up in the trash."

"This can't be good." Reid said quietly. "I'm gonna go check out Hotch's office-"

"Maybe they don't want us to know, Reid." Morgan stated.

"Yeah, but something weird is going on. I'm worried about Hotch."

"We all are." Morgan sighed. "Alright, let me know if you find anything."

Reid nodded and turned to walk up the steps. The door was still open from when Rossi had left in a hurry. As soon as Reid saw Hotch's desk, his heart sank. With shaking hands, he took the letter addressed to him and opened it.

 _Spencer,_

 _I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I hope you and the rest of the team can forgive me someday._

Reid skimmed through the rest of the letter, but the last word caught his eye.

 ** _Goodbye._**

"Morgan!" He cried out.

In an instant, Morgan was there. The unmistakable sound of panic and horror in Reid's voice quickly caught the attention of the rest of the team as well.

"Oh no..." JJ whispered when she saw the envelopes and Hotch's badge staged on his desk.

This could only mean one thing, and it wasn't good.

* * *

 **Hey readers, I need some help with this next chapter. I'm having a hard time deciding how to write the confrontation between Rossi and Hotch. Do you think he'd be able to talk Hotch off the ledge? Or would he have to wrestle the gun out of his hands? Do you have any ideas of how the scene should go? Please leave your suggestions! You guys are awesome :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_Funny how this is the most alive I've felt in years._ Hotch thought to himself as he sat on the bed that he and Haley had shared. He held the gun in his hands. Every sense seemed heightened. He could feel the cold steel as he positioned the barrel under his chin. He felt the sweat drip down his brow. He could hear his own heart pounding, the blood rushing through his veins. It was as if he could feel every ragged breath that entered his lungs.

He was about to kill himself. The thought sent a thrill down his spine. He briefly pondered over how ironic it was: as he was ending his life, how this was the most alive he had felt in a very long time.

This was not an impulsive decision. He had been thinking about this for a while. When Haley left him, suicide crossed his mind. But he'd quickly dismissed the idea. His team needed him. And maybe, someday, he would be able to win her back...he had never stopped loving her.

But then she died.

She was _murdered._

 ** _Because of him._**

This time the thoughts were harder to reject. In the first week he had been so blinded by grief, he had come very close to ending it all. But he didn't. Maybe things would get better. Maybe he would be able to move past this.

But it only became more difficult as time went on.

All the horrible, horrible things he saw every day...and the thing he had come to dread the most was his own reflection.

Aaron Hotchner couldn't **stand** himself.

If he had just taken the deal, Haley would still be alive...he could still hear Foyet's words. "Stop hunting me, and I'll stop hunting them."

But no, his pride got in the way. His stupid, _stupid_ pride. His pride had gotten her killed.

He was useless as a profiler, useless as a father, useless as a husband... _ **USELESS.**_

Enough thinking. He'd thought this through a million times. Imagined it, fantasized about this moment, planned it in detail...it was time.

He tensed his finger on the trigger.

" _I'm sorry."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for your input! You helped me write this chapter :) You guys are amazing.**

* * *

Rossi shamelessly broke the speed limit as he raced through the streets leading to Aaron's old house. Upon reaching it, he felt a twisting in his gut as he saw Hotch's SUV parked outside. He threw the car in park and hurried to the door. He tried it and was relieved to discover it was unlocked. He entered the house and frantically scanned his surroundings for clues as to which room Hotch would choose to end his life.

First he tried the room where Haley had died. The bloodstain was still on the carpet, but Hotch wasn't there.

 _The bedroom._

Rossi quickly scaled the stairs, careful not to make any noise. He didn't want to startle Hotch into panicking. He turned the corner and nudged the bedroom door open, afraid of what he might find.

And there he was: Aaron Hotchner sat hunched over on the edge of the bed. Rossi let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. His friend was still alive.

"Hotch?" He called out softly. He moved towards the younger agent slowly, assessing the situation. Hotch was holding the gun pointed upwards under his chin. For an obviously troubled man, he looked surprisingly calm. He stared blankly ahead, not even acknowledging Rossi's presence. Only when he drew closer was he able to see the signs of stress.

Hotch's hair, usually combed perfectly into place, looked disheveled as if he'd been running his hands through it; a typical nervous tic. The dark circles under his eyes were particularly pronounced today.

"Aaron." Rossi drew closer. He could hear Hotch breathing unevenly, could see the sweat beaded across his forehead.

"Dave, I'm only going to ask you once. Please don't watch this." Even at a time like this, Hotch's voice managed to carry a quiet authority, as if daring Rossi to challenge him.

Rossi was only a few feet away. He debated leaping at Hotch and wrestling the gun away from him, but didn't think he would be able to manage it before he was able to pull the trigger.

"Aaron, can we talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about." Hotch said evenly. God, did the man ever blink? He was about to commit suicide, and he was still putting on his infamous poker face.

"Take a second and think about what you're doing here. You're about to put a _bullet_ through your brain."

"That's the idea." He laughed humorlessly.

"Jack will never forgive you, you know." That sentence seemed to be the only thing that could shake Hotch.

"He'll understand someday."

"No, he won't. He's four years old, Aaron! You're about to leave him orphaned. He's already lost his mother, don't make him lose you too."

"It's my fault she's gone in the first place! When he's old enough to understand, he'll hate me anyway." Hotch's voice wavered slightly.

"Listen to me, it was not your fault. It was Foyet-"

"I should have taken the deal."

"You had no way of knowing that he would even honor it!"

"She could have had a chance!" Hotch's voice broke, and his hands tightened on the gun.

Rossi inhaled sharply. "Aaron, put it down."

"Why?"

A simple question asked in desperation. There were so many reasons...but what did Hotch need to hear?

"We need you. The team needs you. You're our leader. You're always there. What would I say to Reid? To JJ, Garcia, Morgan, Prentiss...We all love you, Hotch...How am I supposed to face them again? How am I supposed to go back there and tell our family that I wasn't able to save you? That we weren't able to save you?" Rossi felt a tear roll down his cheek, and he angrily brushed it away. He needed to be strong for Hotch now.

"And what about Jack? Imagine his face when I tell him that his daddy is never coming home again. What will he think? Will he blame himself? Will this make him believe that everyone leaves? He already lost his mom, imagine how losing another parent will impact him. You're his hero, Aaron!"

"It should have been me." Hotch whispered so quietly that Rossi almost missed it. His grip on the gun loosed, and he slowly lowered it.

Rossi acted immediately, closing the distance between the two of them in under a second. He gently pried the gun out of Hotch's hands and tossed it a few feet away.

Hotch leaned forward, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. _"It should have been me."_ He repeated.

For once in his life, Rossi didn't know what to say. No words would make this better. He simply sat next to Hotch on the bed and placed a hand on his back.

"Why does it still hurt so much? Why won't it stop?"

Rossi didn't reply, just wrapped his arm around the younger man's shoulders until he stopped trembling. If only there were answers...


	6. Chapter 6

**Hotch and Rossi might be a little OOC in this chapter.**

* * *

"You should answer that." Hotch said softly. His sobs had finally died down, and he was feeling more in control of himself. Rossi's phone had been ringing nonstop for several minutes now, but it had taken Hotch a while to notice it. This lack of focus was concerning...

Rossi didn't move from Hotch's side. He looked at the caller ID before answering. "Hey, Morgan."

Hotch could hear Morgan on the other end. "Is Aaron okay? Did you get there in time? God, please tell me you got there in time..." Hotch had never heard Morgan like this before. He sounded absolutely wrecked. The anxiety in his voice was tangible.

"Calm down, Derek. I got here just in time. He's okay."

"Thank God...are you coming back to the Bureau?"

"Not yet. I'll call when we're on our way."

As Rossi hung up the phone, Hotch suddenly felt very embarrassed. He didn't think he would ever be able to face his team again. "What now?" He asked quietly.

"Now, we talk."

"Do we have to?" Hotch asked, sounding more like a sullen child than an FBI Agent.

Rossi just glared at him as if to say, 'really?'

"Fine." Hotch grumbled.

"Let's start with why."

"You wanna know why?" Hotch ran a hand through his hair. "Haley is dead, and it's my fault. It should have been-" He stopped short.

He stood up and started pacing. "Why am I even telling you this? It's not gonna change anything! I don't do this, I don't talk to people!"

"And why is that, Aaron?"

He focused his infamous Hotch-glare at the older agent. "Don't." He said.

"Don't what?"

"Do that! Profile me! Try to get me to talk. I'm fine!"

Rossi stood up as well, grabbing Hotch's shoulders to hold him still. "Look at me!" He forced the agitated man to meet his eyes.

"Aaron, you were about to kill yourself. You wrote goodbye notes. You had a plan. You put the gun to your head. That tells me you're serious about this. You are the furthest thing from 'fine' right now. If you think I'm gonna leave you alone after this, you're wrong."

Hotch averted his eyes again. "Everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do." He whispered, sinking back down onto the bed.

"Let me help you."

"How? How is talking about it going to change anything?"

"You know it's part of the healing process, we've helped people go through this before. We've seen it."

Hotch shook his head. "No. I'll deal with it myself, like I always have."

"Is this dealing with it?" Rossi asked angrily. "Is killing yourself dealing with it? You need help, Aaron!"

"I've never needed help."

"I think you've never needed help this bad before."

Silence.

"Look, you can either talk to me, or I'm taking you to the hospital and you can talk to a professional in the psychiatric ward."

"Fine! Fine, I'll talk...I don't know what you want from me, Rossi."

"Why won't you let anyone in?"

"Look what happened to the one person. I tried to share my life with!"

"You've been like this for years, Aaron. Before you started losing people. Before you even joined the Bureau. You forget, I've known you a long time."

"I hate this."

"Is it because of your father? Is that why you won't tell anyone how bad things really are?"

Hotch gave Rossi a look that could only be described as a death glare. "I don't need to talk about him."

"Judging by your reaction, I'd say he's the first thing you need to talk about."

"What do you want to know? He died of a heart attack when I was 21."

"And before that? What was your relationship with him like?"

"He came to all my baseball games, made sure I had the best clothes money could buy, and never let me leave home without my lunch. What do you want to hear, Dave?"

"What about behind closed doors?" Rossi asked quietly. "Those are all the actions of a parent trying to put on a show; prove how perfect their life is."

Hotch shook his head and resumed pacing. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does! Hotch, do you know how many abused children I've interviewed? How many studies there are on the long-term effects? You're a textbook case!"

"Stop! Just stop it!"

But Rossi had to finish. "He hit you. He slapped your mom around. He made you feel worthless and angry. He told you that boys never cry. That men don't show weakness. All your life, you've kept yourself hidden behind a wall. It's time to let people in, Aaron! Let us help you!"

"I can't!" Hotch cried out. "Don't you understand? I can't!"

"Yes, you can. Do you wanna know how?"

"Please, tell me." Hotch laughed humorlessly.

"You've survived all these years because you're a protector. I always wondered why your brother Sean never showed the same signs of abuse as you. Then it hit me: You took his punishments; every single one. You kept your dad's hands off him. When you got old enough, you protected your mother from him as well. You protect this team. You protect Jack. Everything you do is for the well-being of others."

Hotch looked down. "How does this help me?"

"Because the only way you can protect Jack now is to stay alive. He needs you, Aaron. Are you really going to leave him alone in this world? He needs his father. You need to get better, for Jack. I wish you could see...I wish I could make you see that you're worth so much more than this. You deserve to be happy too. But for now you need to do it for us. For your family."

"I'll try."

"That's all I ask."


	7. Chapter 7

**A couple things: First, Jessica is Haley's sister, Jack's aunt. Secondly, I'm not sure how to end this. Should I keep writing, go through Hotch's recovery? Or should I just end it with him promising to get help?**

 **Characters are a little OOC, sorry.**

* * *

Morgan ended the call. "Hotch is okay. Rossi got there in time."

The team let out a collective sigh of relief. They were gathered in Hotch's office and had been waiting for word from Rossi.

"Are they coming back?"

"Not yet."

"Guys, what are we gonna do?" Reid asked. "We should probably tell someone..."

"Like Strauss? No way, kid. Hotch could lose his career over this."

"I'm pretty sure she would understand."

"Yeah, but he wouldn't want her to know. Chances are he doesn't want anyone to know. If he's gonna get help, he has to decide for himself."

"I hate to say this, but he's not exactly in a good position to be on the job right now, let alone calling the shots..." Prentiss pointed out.

"Then we convince him to take some more time off. Tell Strauss it's for personal reasons. Then if he decides to come back, he can do it with dignity." JJ suggested.

"Good thinking, J." Garcia was still wiping tears from her eyes. "God, I can't believe this is happening. He always seemed so...unbreakable. you know?"

"We've seen it before, Baby Girl. Guys like Hotch just keep pushing things down til they explode."

"Why didn't we see it?"

"Hotch has pretty much mastered the poker face. We didn't see anything he didn't want us to." Morgan replied.

"What now?" Prentiss asked. "We can't exactly leave him alone...but I don't think he'd benefit from us dropping him off at the psych ward..."

Reid frowned. "Yeah, I don't think that would help him. Maybe he could stay with one of us?"

There was a moment of silence as they considered it. "Sure." Morgan said. "I've got a spare bedroom."

"Do you really think he's gonna let us babysit him?" JJ asked skeptically.

"It's worth a shot."

* * *

"We can go back to the Bureau now."

"I think you should take the rest of the day off, don't you?"

"No."

Rossi sighed. "Look, no offense, but your head's not in the game. You can't lead this team until you've figured some things out."

Hotch shook his head. "You're right...I just...I don't know where to start."

"You need to talk to a professional."

"No. I don't do therapy."

"Well, you need to talk to someone! Would you talk to me?"

Hotch hesitated. "If the alternative is seeing a therapist, I guess."

"Another thing: I can't let you go home alone."

"Why? Do you think I would kill myself with Jack around?" He seemed offended.

"No, but from what I understand, Jack is spending most of his time at Haley's sister's house. It would be easy for you to send him there while you...you know."

"What, then? Are you going to take me to the psychiatric ward, make sure they look after me?" Hotch glared. "No."

"If that's what it takes." Rossi said quietly, and Hotch could see that his resolve wasn't going to weaken.

"I can't. I can't be there. I don't belong there."

"Then let me help you. Take some time off, stay with Jessica. Be around Jack so you can see how much he loves you, how much he needs you. If you feel like this again, call me. I don't care where I am or what I'm doing, I'll be there."

Hotch ran a hand through his hair. "All right. What about Strauss? I could lose my job if she knew..."

"If you start getting help, I won't tell her. Just explain that you need to take more time off to spend with Jack. She'll understand that."

"Okay."

* * *

Hotch felt extremely uncomfortable as he walked back into the BAU. Even though Rossi had assured him no one but the team knew, he still felt self-conscious.

"Breathe, Aaron." Rossi reminded him gently. He hadn't even realized he was holding his breath.

They reached Hotch's office and walked in, shutting the door behind them. The team was all there, wearing the same expressions of concern and sadness. Morgan was the first to react.

"Man, I don't know whether to hug you or knock your damn lights out."

Hotch gave a small smile. "Both?"

Morgan playfully punched his arm, then pulled him into a hug.

Garcia was the next in line. She looked up at him with tear filled eyes, and he couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze. "Don't you ever do that to us again, Aaron."

He wrapped his arms around her. "I won't." He said quietly.

"You can't leave us that easily, asshole." Prentiss tried to cover her anxiety with humor, but he could see right through it.

JJ looked into his eyes. "We need you."

"I know." He turned to Reid, who was watching with his arms crossed and his lips tight. He was clearly angry.

"Reid-"

"I can't believe you tried to kill yourself. You couldn't talk to any of us? Why didn't you tell us how bad things were? We would have helped you, you know that!"

"I-I'm sorry, I thought you would be better off without me." He admitted.

"We wouldn't be." Reid's voice broke. "You're like a father to me, Hotch. I can't lose you too."

Hotch felt ashamed and guilty. He hadn't thought about how this would affect Reid personally.

"I'm so sorry. I'm not going anywhere." He said, gently touching the young man's shoulder.

JJ cleared her throat. "I know that no one wants to talk about it, but we really need to decide what to do next. As much as I'm sure you wish we could just let it go, this is one thing that needs to be addressed. We were talking, and we thought it would be best if you stayed with one of us for a while."

"Rossi and I already discussed options. I will be talking to Chief Strauss about taking some personal leave time. Jack and I will be staying with Jessica."

Garcia nodded. "All right. But please, call if you need us. Any of us, you know we're here for you."

"Yes. And I thank you all for that." Hotch shifted his feet. The team had never seen him this uncomfortable before. "I'll go talk to Strauss now." He abruptly left the room.

Rossi slumped into a chair and began to rub his temples.

"What happened?" Prentiss asked the question that was on everyone's mind.

"I found him at the house where Haley died. He was sitting on the bed holding a gun to his head."

Garcia's hand flew to her mouth. "He was really going to do it, wasn't he?"

"Yes."

"How did you talk him down?" Morgan asked.

"I reminded him that he was needed. Us, Jack...we need him. You know Aaron, never does a damn thing for himself. But make it about those he'd leave behind...that was my way in."

"Smart."

"Yeah. Let's just hope it lasts." Rossi sighed. It was going to be a long road to recovery for Aaron Hotchner.


	8. Not a Chapter

**Hey guys! I'm so glad everyone is liking this story so far! Unfortunately, I've hit kind of a wall with it. I'm not sure what to write next. I have a hard time writing recovery because, well...to be honest I don't know what recovery is like.**

 **I can't see Hotch talking to anyone about his problems, that just seems too out of character. I think the most vulnerable he would be has already passed, when Rossi talked him out of suicide.**

 **If anyone has ideas on how to write Hotch's recovery, I would be happy to continue! In the meantime, I'll be working on my next Criminal Minds fanfiction, Healing.**


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